Have you ever heard this expression “monkey mind’?!
Before to practice Mindfulness, I never heard about it…
Yesterday I was attending a Mindfulness meditation evening, 45 mins practice with an MBSR teacher. I used to go on a weekly basis. For me, it’s nice to also have the opportunity to be led by an MBSR teacher and feel part of a group.
But yesterday was a challenge, I experienced the “Monkey Mind” (a Buddhist term meaning "unsettled; restless; capricious; whimsical; fanciful; inconstant; confused; indecisive; uncontrollable".)
During all the meditation, my mind was jumping from a thought to a feeling, from a feeling to emotion, from emotion to nothing. At some point, I was even caught to memories or things to do, I was not listening to the teacher. It was just crazy. I was trying to bring back my attention every time, it felt exasperated.
Because here we go, I had the thought and judgment “why I experience that, I practice every day it should be easier to be present”, and then obviously “don’t be judgemental with yourself this is not mindful”. Here we go! It was a crazy meditation, completely restless.
When I came back home, I just took a step back:
you’re not perfect, even as a future MBSR Teacher
there is no right or wrong meditation
being mindful is just be present with whatever is already here
monkey mind is part of the experience, don’t try too much to relax or change it, it’s already here
So next time, you meditate and you feel overwhelmed by thoughts, emotions, feelings, sensations, don’t try to modify it and don’t judge yourself. It’s already here, it’s part of Mindfulness. There is nothing wrong with that.
On the other hand, be grateful to have spent some time to nourish yourself by stopping for a moment and “being” instead of “doing”.